At times it seems unreal to think that we could never be anything other then pictures in a book;
a letter's browning at each pages edge.
After all is done here we are still holding tight, our confusion doesn't help.

It's not that I'm not sure anymore.
It's not as if I'm unchanged by all these thoughts of carrying on.
As faithless as I am at least I still have revolution to love and hope.

Now that there's no use waking up I lay in bed for days;
sleep until I can't distinguish the stale air I breathe from this apathy.
But I feel some sort of freedom from being completely detached from everything;
maybe this is how it will be today.

Every waking now I lay exigent,
hearing every word you spoke so knowingly.
No boy could ever feel alone if he were your star as I was.
No boy could ever love as me

Sitting on your bed I feel your tension,
static in the atmosphere.

I wish you hadn't kissed me in my car downtown parked around the corner from my old apartment, the one that made us wish we were kids again.

I wish I could tell you but this blog will have to do.

Through his peripheral vision he catches a glimpse of them, they appear elated and astute as if their banter is automatic rather than feigned as in the rest of the commonwealth. Filling every inch of the room, each one of them trenchant and unique onto themselves but as a group they share years of unmistakable friendship that bond them to one another. He wants to share in their contentment, but can't dispel the feeling that he doesn't belong here. He doesn't want to be alone, but the idea of her tires him infinitely. He leaves them with a impromptu arduous explanation for his expedient departure. He grabs his jacket and begins down the sidewalk. 

The moonlight reflected by the snow makes him appear pale in it's glow, the higher he lifts his head to gaze at its' semblance the thinner the air feels in his lungs. In some ways he envies the cold; it never misleads you in regard to it's true nature, it is always harsh and abrasive never deviating. He thinks to himself "If I were like that she might still be here." He reaches a street sign one less block to his destination, he takes a deep numbing breath and continues on his way. With each step he conceptualizes more and more: In a perfect world the necklace would be a symbol of happiness and ceaseless devotion; even if he can't get her back he will always be trying, he will still keep it with him. He thinks about the time they met; humming the song that was playing at the party when he saw her. Remembering the coyness she had when she asked him to walk her home brought a smirk to his face; even though she lived next door he would have walked for hours just to listen to her speak. A hapless expression returned to his visage as if  synonymous with reflections about her. He obscured these feelings as he had many times before and continued on his journey.

This is a a short story I just wrote cause I couldn't sleep; thanks for reading.

"Sometimes There's so Much Beauty in the World I Feel like I Can't Take It, like My Heart's Going to cave In."

I will dig a fox hole for two
so you know that I will always be there for you
and maybe you can find a love for me too"

I'm usually way to tired at night to update but I'm at work not working lol.

So Saturday was Jeff's birthday party which was a lot of fun played pong and stuff at Josh's. Oh the daughter of the guy that owns Vitamin water was so bad at pong.

This weeks's been good, saw my Aunt and cousin for the first time since I was 9 which was pretty cool. Played some ball with the guys yesterday and raped of course (Can't guard my one handed layup in the paint bitch).


Everytime I see a picture of us together I miss you a lot. Seriously those few days laying in my hotel room with you were awesome. I want to talk to you every minute.

I got it bad for you Perla.

I love you.

Well maybe I put too much talk in my rhymes"



She's not talking to me so there's no reason to be awake.


That cups never been more true :)

With sutures of pure cement"

Julie ended up staying here for three days instead on just one lol. I love you Julie seriously thanks for the advice it didn't work though just made me feel worse and jealous.


Writing is the only way I understand to share my feelings with you all.

Am I suppose to feel bad? I'm fucking doomed I'm convinced till the day I die.


I'm going to get my notebook. Know what the worst part is, tragedies are the only thing I know how to write. How fitting.